Dressing up

Sleeping was not on the agenda last night. It took me a few hours to unwind, then J got home at 3am and was pretty darn noisy. L never sleeps well if I'm not in when she goes to bed and another nightmare about sharks meant she was in and out all night. Almost made 5 days in a row of marble earnings. I don't blame her though. I can relate as I never have a deep sleep if I go off to rest without J home.
Morning came and I lay there wondering if I could escape to get a sunrise picture without waking the rest of the house. I decided not to risk it as J needed to be up for work at 7am.

None of this is interesting to you of course but it is a period of time in my life that I might like to recall in the future.

Grandma went into a home on Monday. We are shocked as this lady was mrs independent only 3 months ago. She sold her house last year that she'd live in for decades solely because she knew one day she wouldn't be able to manage the stairs and didn't want her family to be locked in supporting her every move for years like she was with her mum. She was a divorcee in the 60s which was pretty rare in those days. After her husband had an affair which resulted in a pregnancy and he decided to stand by her. She had probably tried to shake off that stigma her whole life as her other friends all became singletons as a result of their husbands passing away.

Very independent she vowed to never compromise on her quality of life again. Special friends have come and gone but in the end it often didn't work out because she was too use to her own company. Sadly, when her mum became elderly and kept on going until her late 90s, she lost a lot of the friends network and vast hobbies she'd built up. After my great Nan died my grandma became depressed as she dealt with all that emotion of relief, spare time, grief, loneliness.

One thing was for sure, she didn't want either of her boys having to make that same sacrifice with their lives as she'd made, so she sold her house and moved into a bungalow last year. Everything's gone downhill since then. She doesn't want visitors because the place isn't quite how she wants it. She doesn't cook anymore because its a real palava to get to the shops. She got rid of her car because she didnt really want to see anyone. It just seems old age has suddenly caught up with her and she is a frightened, confused fragile old lady. Calling out ambulances a couple of times a week, scared this is the end, not sure who she should trust.

She's been in a proper old folks home now with around the clock care for less than a week and apparently she's accusing the family of 'dumping and running' on her. I know that is not the case but how sad that she feels that way.

I'm going to see her tomorrow and am apprehensive of what I might find.

Girls wanted to borrow my shoes for dressing up today. If you'd seen the state they came down in, you'd know they ventured a lot deeper than just the show rack!