You Are The Ref

I'm not quite sure how it happened, but over the past few months I've been refereeing quite a few footie matches.

How hard can it be? I know the rules pretty well - I've been thumping balls against garage doors since the days Oldham were a decent side, and even manage to sit through some of the analysis on Match of the Day. And it can be fun - not to mention a power trip: when else can you blow a whistle, tell a couple of dozen strapping blokes what to do, and they just do it?

But it's much harder than it looks. I almost think refs have to see in a whole different way - they need to watch the players, not the ball - not easy after doing the opposite for forty years! Spotting who touched the ball last or who nudged whom needs eagle eyes, and waiting to see if there's an advantage before blowing for a bad foul is hugely counter-intuitive. Worst of all is the conflict, something which I avoid at all costs in the rest of my life.

Luckily I've found a couple of training manuals. One is Half Man Half Biscuit's pointedly accurate little ditty, The Referee's Alphabet. And the other is this cult classic comic strip - compulsory reading now that I Am The Ref!