f**k it

Apologies for the rant that follows, it's for nobody's benefit except my own.

I was born with two terrible afflictions:

1) I trust people. People I've known for years, and people I've only just met. I trust that they mean what they say, that they'll stick to their word, that they will never deliberately lead me on or let me down. Basically that they'll be reliable people, because I've spent my whole life trying to be a reliable person. And no matter how many times someone does let me down, I'll make excuses for them, and I'll let them do it over and over again.

2) I have a horrible habit of surrounding myself with people who are anything but reliable. And over the past year I've come to realise that those people take up far too much of my time and energy, time and energy that I could be spending with the people in my life that I really can trust. And thankfully there are quite a few of those too.

I started reading this book a couple of weeks ago, but stopped after a while because it wasn't as good as I thought it would be. Maybe tonight I should give it another try, maybe it'll help me to say f**k it, and f**k them, and maybe I'll stop being so nice, stop trying to help people, stop bending over backwards for everyone and anyone, and stop being the one who's always saying "no problem, I don't mind, not your fault"...

but somehow I doubt it.