???????? and a starling.....

P. I am in disguise!

S. Well, I know it's you, you daft pi.....

P. Shut it! You might know who I am but The Mad One indoors won't know it's me.

S. She'll know you easily with that fat belly and bandy legs!

P. No, she won't! She's not that bright and also I have deliberately hidden my ruggedly handsome good looks behind a veil of mystery!

S. Veil of mystery??! It looks like a suet cake to me.

P. Sigh! You just have no imagination.

S. What's the point of this exercise anyway?

P. No reason. *cough, shuffling feet*

S. Come on! Out with it! What have you done?

P. Well OK. You mustn't tell anyone it was me though.

S. Get on with it and stop stalling!

P. Keep your feathers on! I'm getting there. She caught me plopping down her bathroom window last week. She screamed that she knew it was me and said she was going to roast me on a skewer when she caught up with me.

S. Oh dear! No wonder you are in hiding!

P. Get this! It was her fault anyway! All that singing and dancing in the shower at that time of the morning is enough to scare the s**t out of anyone!

S. Well I can quite understand your predicament after that. I'd start moving away quickly right now if I was you.

P. Why?

S. Don't look now but she's advancing towards you with a saucepan..

P. AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!

S. That got rid of him! Now I must tackle those pesky squirrels....

Track? Let's have some classic Peter Green today - Oh Well