Vile

Thats how I feel.

Very little sleep last night. Went into work this morning to keep myself busy - felt lousy - headache, shivery - like I was coming down with something.

Hospital by 1.20.

Everyone there fantastic - helpful, considerate, concerned, supportive and did their best to put me at ease. Difficult situation though...particularly the indignity of the process - feel unclean and genuinely like a little piece of me is missing.

Which it is. Had a large loop excision - where they shaved a chunk of my cervix off with what the nurse described as "what looks like a piece of cheese wire" - she was right about that. Didn't hurt at the time - anaesthetic worked a treat. Weird being able to watch it on screen too!

Now though - it hurts.

Got home at 2.15 after my step mum kindly brought me home. Quick brew and then I went to bed - been up a couple of hours but I am going back there now to finish the chocolate, take more painkillers and hope the hot water bottle has some effect. And cry a bit - because thats all I want to do.

2 weeks for the results. No exercise of any kind for 4-6 weeks. 6 month check up (same process) then annual checkups for 9 years afterwards. How I feel so full of joy today.

Thanks Jen for the chocolate - such a little thing, but I was touched that you had thought of me. Thanks to everyone who has text, emailed and left messages here. Means a lot. I'll be ok tomorrow - just feeling sorry for myself!