Being 50

It happened. It was just like being 49 except people give you stuff and get you drunk and tell you you're an old fart. But I knew that when I was 49. Christ, I knew that when I was 29.

But I think I've excelled myself this time. Mandy asked what I wanted for my special present and I resisted the urge to try to get her to buy me a £1500 tipi and asked for a big hoover instead. Aye, a dust extractor. How boring is that?

Anyway, you'd think it would be a restful day of lounging for an old man but no, there was food to be cooked and a 50 year playlist to be finished even though there was no chance of all 10 hours being heard.