Day 26

Morning d-4 a-5 worried about being ok, didn't want to face life and be ok. Delayed myself getting up and then felt excessively guilty and cross with myself about that and the fact I was so late for Amanda.
Train ended up thinking lots about writing a story. Was ok, slightly to my distress.

Afternoon d-5 a-4 bit anxious, bit down, subdued. Didn't want to do anything. Tried to be bit interested. Wasn't really enjoying trip out to charity shop. Then stopped for tea at random friend of Amanda's we bumped into. Wondered why I didn't even try to make conversation; was I just being awkward? Was I shy? Was I quite low? Who knows. I wanted to run out screaming but obviously couldn't. Was really anxious about the dogs touching me. Especially after being told they had rolled in dead seal earlier. Just eww. I made sure I removed my tights as soon as I could once back at Amanda's. Argh.

Evening d-5 a-3 I worried about how much help I gave in the kitchen. Maybe I'm ok? We watched 'About a boy' after eating. I quite enjoyed it even though I was pretty low/sad at times. Afterwards couldn't get to bed quick enough. Didn't want to talk. Unhappy about the lack of a pillowcase on the pillow I had. Not too happy that I was sharing a room with A but glad to be able to lie there without the pressure of interacting. Glad it is only one night. Don't think I would cope otherwise.