Day 38

Difficult day as feeling really ill. Managed to demonstrate this afternoon. My self esteem wasn't helped by the fact I was by far the worst at the job. For example the others had to take half of my pile of marking as I was so slow. Oh well.

In the evening, I was so depressed but I think it was mainly due to feeling so rubbish physically.

There was a lot of guilt this morning and worry about displeasing God. And I emailed Lucy to ask for advice on the fear of getting better. I am not sure whether this was really bad as it is probably going to make me sadder about not seeing her again. But then her reply might be really helpful.