Pops birthday

It's not today it's tomorrow but he has work so we celebrated today.

This pic is of pop (my father in law Richard) about to blow out the candles on the chocolate chilli cherry cake that grandma (my mother in law marisa) made. Mar is singing happy birthday in English and Maori that's who pops looking at.

Cake was delicious. Had a chocolate ganache with cherries and blueberries on top.

I've had a wicked headache all day, I've had panadol, coffee and a nap and it's still stuck around, not sure if it's air pressure related or hormonal.

Had a moment of tears before. At 9pm the boys said they were hungry I searched through the cupboards in disbelief at how little I had in the way of food, I did groceries Tuesday night. They didn't eat their dinner tonight (I made beef bourguignon), they ate a bit of rice and that's all.

I said to Andre I felt like I had failed because they couldn't sleep because they were hungry .

One thing that's important to me is making sure our boys have enough to eat.
I spend around $150-200 a week on groceries and usually it's enough to cover us a week and a bit. My boys eat a lot when they're at school, I try to make sure they have big lunch to cover them all day . I try to make sure they have a big breakfast. But Andre pointed out they've been home for nearly 6 weeks now, we haven't done a lot but they've eaten a lot and more often.

I realised tonight that within 3 days of doing shopping they'd eaten most of the stuff I had got. It's probably partly my fault, when I've been trying to take care of Harper they've grabbed something from the fridge or pantry and because I was busy I just said yes you can have it.

I think it's all hit me tonight. I think we're all edgy and kind of over the holidays, being in each others faces, I'm tired of the house looking like a tornado hit it, tired of them fighting.

I love them to bits but I love when they're not there, as awful as it sounds but it gives me a chance to miss them, a chance to recharge, a chance to get stuff done and prepare so when they come home they've got me.