Day 62

A flooded football pitch in the very windy weather today. I am very lucky to be so unaffected by the storminess.

Today, however, my anxiety levels have been pretty high.

Morning: d-5 a-7

I didn't sleep very well. I think I might have eaten too much too late last night. Maybe that didn't help. Once I did actually wake up properly, I was feeling quite in edge. I tried relaxing but I think I felt I needed to get some stuff cleared up in my room and some laundry put on. I was also quite anxious about how the afternoon was going to work out with seeing Helen and Alice.

OCD got the better of me once I had started handling things for the bin and especially my dirty washing pile. I had to rush because by now I had got a time to see Helen. I felt totally overwhelmed and very anxious. It was very unpleasant.

Afternoon: d-3 a-4

An hour late and after a not very enjoyable cycle (made worse, I am sure, by the wind), I arrived at Helen's for a (now) half hour visit. I felt quite bad about that, but we had a nice time playing her new game 'crossword dice'.

Then I was off to Alice's. I felt quite harassed upon arrival, again not helped by the windiness. I worried a bit while there but it was OK.

I struggled in church a bit and felt a bit overwhelmed. I wanted to escape to the crèche but I did manage to stay nevertheless. I definitely struggled to stand for all the songs, but I did manage. I think it probably helped in the sermon that I was furiously taking notes. And the sermon was such a good one. It filled me with a lot of joy. God is just so good and we are not saved by works of the law but simply by faith! Hooray!

Evening: d-2, a-6

I was just so anxious again about germs, prompted (I think) by returning home. I came over to Lizzie's. It was very good to be here but the silly OCD was keeping me very tense and I still haven't totally calmed down.

I am so tired now though so I think I shall probably get to sleep fine!