Day 64

I failed to post yesterday and I failed to take a picture today...so I shall combine the days under this one picture, which is in fact appropriate to both days: I stayed the last two nights at Lizzie's in her beautifully decorated house!

So...yesterday. In the morning I was a little low and quite anxious/obsessive. I was also very tired. I was trying to help Lizzie with Anna but I didn't feel like I was being very helpful. There were some OK bits though.

Then I got an email from Lucy and everything went wrong. I felt faint and like the energy had been drained from me. Because I was with Lizzie, some of the time I was reasonably distracted, but in the evening I had a meltdown. Lizzie reminded me of how many people cared. And above all, Jesus cares.

Today I felt pretty fragile and became lower and more anxious in the afternoon. I felt so wobbly and it was such a struggle to get out to tutor. Tutoring itself was ok but then back to very depressed once that was over.

I had pretty much decided that I would only go to the leaders meeting at church and not stay for the bible study or food because I couldn't face putting on a brave face. I was so unhappy about the fact that my group was meant to be serving and clearing up.

But I kept surprising myself with what I managed. I ended up doing lots of washing up and that was fine. I did really want to leave the bible study for quite a bit of it but I did manage to sit it out.

I'm glad I did stay. Not least because it was a good reminder that it is by faith alone in Christ alone that we can be saved. Not by works. By faith. Jesus is amazing!

This evening I got myself into such a panic. All in all, not a good couple of days...