Day 65

I haven't been sleeping especially well lately and am being bothered by not so nice dreams again/still. On the plus side though, I enjoyed seeing the sunrise this morning.

I went to a soft play centre with Clare and her children in the morning. I was very tired.

In the afternoon, I felt like I had lots I needed to do but also wanted a sleep. I didn't really have the energy or motivation to properly do anything. I had some very low and desperate moments but I managed to ride them out.

I cancelled demonstrating tomorrow. Not looking forward to crèche in the morning but at least that is the only difficult thing for the day.

I am pretty confused by my emotions and that is making me feel quite guilty. Especially as I am writing now, I am wondering whether I am making things seem worse than they were/brushing over OK bits... I don't know.

I felt a bit better after a sleep, once I had managed to get over the initial reluctance to wake up and have to face life again.

I spoke to my mum and to Helen (separately) on the phone. That might have been alright actually (although I have definitely let them both believe I am fine) but there have been other times that really haven't been OK.

Given that it is now 9.30pm and all I have eaten today is junk I really should go downstairs and get some proper food. I also need to get my laundry out the machine...it has been in for nearly 24 hours. But I just don't want to... Ahh!

And I want to read Psalm 91 too but don't seem to be able to get round to that...seriously, Laura, how hard can it be? Or is that overly harsh...I don't know...