Day 121 - happiness

I had to get up sooner than ideal in order to get to Beka's but that was OK. I hadn't been keen on cycling but as it turned out, I'm so glad I did. It was such a glorious morning, perfect cycling weather. I crossed the river and cycled through the sunny fields. I was very happy!

I had a lovely morning with Beka and Lydia in the park and playing in the house. Lydia went down for her nap after lunch and that's when I began to feel a little anxious (prompted, I would imagine, by how well the morning had gone). I kept talking to Beka though.

Then she went out and I babysat Lydia. We had a fun time until the explosive nappy. That was beyond stressful and left me rather all over the place. I must have used nearly a packet of baby wipes...

Beka arrived home only to be harassed by my many worries regarding where I might have got poo around the house. I got into my head that she was cross with me and that she wanted me out. Turns out she didn't! Phew. Good CBT example.

I got a bit sad as Lydia told me she loves it when I go home. The thing is that she isn't even 2 and she had spent all day with me and told me many times how she likes me. She will often cry when I leave. I'm sure she just wanted some mummy time after not having had much of it today. Beka said she had done a similar thing yesterday and she was sure she was just testing boundaries. But then Lydia kept on at me to go home. I got more sad and was very miserable coming home. I think I was very tired too though. To be honest it could still have just been testing boundaries. But whatever it was I shouldn't be upset. She does love me.

I felt it necessary to clean myself upon my return home! And then I lay in bed for a while before being bothered enough to eventually sort out some food.