Who's your daddy?

This big fellow is visiting Nelli the third time. The two other times they haven't been doing so well, and still this time I have to be the third one helping them to get going. Maybe I have raised Nelli to be too picky, or just to temperamental. My two cats really represent my two sides quite well - I am the fiery one how knows what she wants, and at the same time I am the pondering one who likes to know everything about life by thinking in peace and quite.

But right know my mind is tattered. I have been able to keep my head clear for a long time, and haven't been worried. The fiery me and the calmly observing me have both been in a rough handling, and right now I don't know if I have more energy to go on. Every day is a battle, and if I know something about life; I know that life should't be a constant and hard battle. I have described life as a game, but as a war or a battle I don't like to call it. It shouldn't be that hard.

I don't know what to do. I haven't been this lost for a while, and it is painful to think about the fact, that right now I just can't change much about it. But if you don't have a deadline, the waiting is excruciating.