Day 139 - a spontaneous trip

Grim. Slept a lot of the day. Took a while to manage to make myself do anything. Eventually I had a shower but didn't have much energy. Hadn't really eaten very well.

Felt pretty hopeless. Managed to read some of my CBT book but was a little distressed by the fact I was perhaps OK whilst doing that. I felt a bit like I wasn't quite in control with the book - like I couldn't quite hold all that I had read in my head. I tried to tell myself this didn't matter.

I couldn't get myself to move to go to church. I didn't really want to go anyway. But my fear of tomorrow was heightened by the prospect of not leaving my room today. In the end I phoned to see if I could come and stay with my friends in Norwich. They said yes. That was good.

I managed to make myself do some tidying of my room before it was time to leave for my train. That was good as I had been feeling overwhelmed by all the mess. My room is still not tidy (or clean) but it does seem like progress has been made.

Finally at 7pm I left my room.

On the bus I got myself quite worked up about whether I was right about Christianity. The idea of it not being true petrified me but I think that I do have enough evidence to believe it is true. It's just that tiny niggling doubt that bothers me from time to time. But even that makes sense in line with the truth of Christianity.

I did some more CBT reading on the train as well as enjoying the beautiful sunset. And finally ate some proper food.

I am so happy now I am in Norwich (the double bed helps!) and I feel loved and welcome. I have had some worries but mostly am happy!