Day 140 - grey

Morning spent in bed. I was at least trying to do some CBT/other useful things. Maybe I was vaguely productive but I had that familiar confusion over what I was feeling. A mix of fear, guilt and lowness featured though, I think.

I had a nice lunch with Janet and then we went for a walk through some beautiful bluebell carpeted woods.

I sat in the kitchen with her for a bit drinking tea before finding it necessary to go to bed. I became very low indeed and fatigued. How could I go on? Why do I have to feel so rubbish? I tried to focus on the joy of eternity with Jesus. Just need to get this life... I tried having food and drink. It didn't help. I slept. Or at least rested.

I found supper fairly stressful but returned to bed after doing a little bit of clearing up (as requested).

I helped Johnny with some maths. I guess that took my mind off things for a bit.

Psychiatrist appointment tomorrow can't come soon enough.