Day 148 - beginning to brighten up

I was plagued by particularly disturbing dreams last night and woke up very tired. After going back to sleep a few times, I eventually faced the day properly at around 11am. I think I was surprised by how OK I was.

I did a few things (still in bed) before deciding I couldn't cope with being in bed much longer. I was scared to go out though as I felt it would imply I could cope and that I am better etc etc.

I gave myself the task of going to the library to try to print some stuff that I have been needing to print for ages. I thought I would make it into a bit of a walk. It was gloriously sunny and Lizzie and I are playing a photo finding game so I thought I could have a bit of a search. I only found one though.

I was a little teary and didn't have the energy to go very fast. It was a bit of a struggle to keep going.

Success with the library when I got there and then I wandered round a shop. I felt pretty anxious in there, struggling with people being around. I got what I needed plus about a kilo of chocolate and started on (what felt like) the trek home. It was hard work.

I got back and felt like I could do something. I thought about doing some room tidying or some painting. I did a bit of tidying before feeling it necessary to climb back into bed. I'm wondering whether my lack of energy on my walk might have meant I hadn't eaten enough but I'm not sure. Could just all be part of depression.

Head a bit all over the place. I have all these things like writing poems that I want to do, but I feel overwhelmed by all. Don't want to go out.

...I went out and think I was OK in the end.