Someone's been spiking my fruit!

Not only that, but I found the bird feeder on the ground this morning and nuts scattered everywhere. Still, I have a grainy image of the culprit which I will pass on to the police Sadly, I don't expect much from them based on past experience - read on .......

When Rachel was a student at Cambridge, she and her house mates (4 girls) were woken one Saturday night by the sound of someone in the garden. They peered through the kitchen window and saw a man stumbling through the garden towards the house. They retreated to another room and hid behind whatever they could find to hide behind, which for 3 of them was the unlucky girl in front. Armed with a hairbrush, an aerosol and a mobile phone, they listened intently and could still hear the intruder moving around outside. So, they did what anyone would do in such a situation, they dialed the police who steadfastly refused to respond on the basis that the intruder had not actually intruded, i.e. he had not tried to gain access to the property. Well on cue, our intruder did exactly that, smashing the kitchen window and trying to scrabble through it. At this point, the police had a change of heart and decided that a crime had now been committed and that they would attend the scene. Now as luck would have it, our rather portly intruder was too much for the small kitchen window and when the police arrived 15 minutes later, he was halfway in and halfway out and smelling rather effeminate. I think at this point, the aerosol was well and truly empty. Turns out he was harmless drunk who had decided to take short cut and rather than go round a house that happened to be in his way had decided to go through it. More worrying was that had his intentions been more sinister, he would have had plenty of time to commit his crime(s) and scarper. Let's not go there.