Day 154

I got myself into quite an anxious state this morning and also really didn't want to have to get up. I felt I really should go to Tyndale but really didn't want to go. I worried about how I was going to fit everything in and felt bad that Tyndale was my lowest priority. Worry, worry...

I'm pleased to say I did actually force myself out to Tyndale. I felt very weak though. I also ended up being at Tyndale for less than half an hour. I felt bad about that. But then again I was glad not to have to be there longer.

I walked to Fitz to meet Christine for lunch. I don't think I felt especially great but I bumped into my ex-DoS which helped calm the lies that she/college hated me and I meant nothing to them. I usually make a complete fool of myself when I talk to her but I feel like I managed to be nice enough and not embarrass myself.

Lunch was hard as there were other people with us and I think I felt a bit unloved. I also felt a bit caught up in exam stress zone. Glad I am not going through that myself.

I walked home and became pretty anxious and very low indeed.

I was distracted a bit by seeing Lizzie.

I didn't know how to cope with the evening ahead of me but did some cleaning.

I had a panic attack when the time came to take the first dose of lithium. I got so scared by the side effects. Also scary to think about the chances of getting better.