Day 155

I felt so all over the place this morning when I woke up and soon had to go out.

I was looking after Clare's children one after the other as she took each swimming. It was hard work, and I felt really bad as I had accidentally bumped Flora's head.

We came back to Clare's afterwards and chatted. I felt pretty low, bothered and anxious. I struggled to quite know what I wanted to say or what my problem was.

I became very low and felt so worried that God wasn't there. I was very anxious and nervous too. Maybe it was to do with the impending eye test but that wasn't obvious at the time.

The eye test was fine and I felt quite a bit brighter, especially after thinking about how likely it is that God is there. Katherine texted promising he is.

I miss Lucy again - I think I thought I might have dealt with it but I'm a bit sad again about it.

Then it was time for Roots. I was remarkably stable-feeling although worried a lot about other people/other people's feelings about me.

Feel so unsettled and all over the place, restless, anxious now.

Not looking forward to early start tomorrow.