Day 156

Was grumpy about getting up and remained pretty unimpressed by life for much of the morning. Even through exercise with Bibs and others.

May have improved somewhat for bible study and lunch but certainly was pretty low and anxious in the afternoon.

When I left Bibs', I felt anxious about how well I might be coping with being by myself for the rest of the day. I managed to remind myself that the fact I felt anxious meant I wasn't coping so well! I worried about having been weird with people and that maybe they don't like me.

I arranged to see Emma and then Alice. I was so tired and felt like a rubbish friend. I started comparing myself to other people and had to keep using the ladder illustration and flattening the ladder.

Stressed about Geneva but less about the travelling now. More about the actual time there. Bibs and I talked about Bible verses I could remind myself of if I was feeling distant from God again. I was thinking I might not cope with not being able to text people. But I can read back old comforting texts and remember above all, God is with me whether I feel like it or not.

I have also warned Pei I might need breaks so that makes me feel a little less overwhelmed.

I have been feeling very fat again.