Goodbye

4years 214days

I went to the rabbit hutch mid morning as BabyGrey had not joined the others upstairs for food. She wasn't well. I wrapped her in a towel and cuddled her, tried to hand feed her, warmed her, but she died about an hour later. She hadn't been sick, she is the young one, she was full of happy mischief this week, Katie was not at all prepared for it. It was a nursery day, and Katie was already there, so I called and asked them to work a book about death into the afternoon to lay a little groundwork for telling her myself when I collected her.

I snuggled BabyGrey into a wee basket, nested her in the towel, with her head out so Katie could stroke her if she wanted. I explained what had happened on the way home. She was very calmly accepting of it. She sat with her, stroking her, ears and nose, then opening the towel a bit more to stroke her tummy. "She's got the cutest ears, mama" she said. She then cuddled her over the basket. She had a snuggle with her on her knee, in the towel, before taking monkeys paws and making him stroke her.

We settled BabyGrey back into the basket and she ate tea beside a rather confused Bert and Ernie. After tea, she sat back beside the basket and cuddled BabyGrey some more. She wanted to take her to the lounge and cuddled her on her lap for a very long time. "It's ok to cuddle pets when they die, isn't it, mummy" she asked. So calm, but very clear in her opinion that it wasn't time to put BabyGrey in the wee bed and say goodnight. Grandad and granny are taking her so we can bury her tomorrow. Katie's heart utterly broke when that time came and I took BabyGrey from her.

It broke me, seeing it hit her what it all meant and the finality of it all. She eventually fell asleep on my tummy, one hand on my face. She's still there now.