Rules

Ruby Jones blip reminded me of an intriguing scrap of paper I've got stuck on the side of my fridge, circa 2001.

Fred's school pal, Mark, was coming to stay for the weekend. I really only knew Mark's mum and dad by glowing reputation, despite the fact that Fred and Mark became thick as thieves during their first year at school. They were twins, separated at birth. The whole class marveled at the matching shape of their skulls. The two of them were sat together, back to back, one art class ... to introduce the notion of mirror image.

But anyway, Mark's mum and dad were off to Vancouver one weekend years ago ... I think it was to see U2. They wondered if Mark might stay with Fred while they were away. "Absolutely!" says I. ("OH JESUS!", thinks me) .

I was not a very demanding mother at the time, because, really, there was no one else to get offended by "behaviour" except me ... and I was just happy to roll ..

So I sit Fred down, explain acceptable behaviour in about three minutes and ask him to write down some rules for "The Weekend of Mark".

It was a rough weekend for Mark, him wishing his mum was here, wanting desperately to fart and touch things.