Chiaroscuro

you gotta take the light with the dark..

throughout the tumultuous times happening outside, a lot's been going on with me inside too. Night of the living ex is what I'll call it. Within 3 days 3 get back in touch for reasons unverified. One, still a friend saying goodbye as he departs abroad, two, the one I never want to hear from again and makes my blood run cold, calls out of nowhere and a third, regrets that he didn't make the most of it. It's bewildering and my friends think it's hilarious, a game show. To me it is only sad - none of these situations are right and despite all my mistakes and further mistakes, deciding not to be with any of them feels right. A functional relationship feels a distant constellation - better to fix what I have here with myself, be happy with that. Described myself to one of them as an emotional grenade - I don't want that going off and harming anyone.

There is something hopeful in how sure I am about this, but something sad too, I know.