retreating

church retreat today. which, to be perfectly honest, didn't feel like a retreat in the sense of refreshing, but more visionary. like: retreat from the hectic and busy life we lead to step back and see where we need to be going. which is so good. and important. and i was very happy to be a part of it.

im just tired.

it occurred to me on the car ride home that my brain just hurts from thinking. but not the normal, esoteric, academic thinking. the kind of thinking that must become practical. for instance, reading a lot of pedagogy theory on how to be a good teacher. i feel overwhelmed with so many problems and issues involved in teaching that i almost feel paralyzed. a similar feeling today: i want to do so much, but i worry i will fail - or something. it is hard work to talk about your vision for your life and your community and your work place and academic sphere and even harder to figure out practical ways to realize those visions. so yeah. i am tired.

in a good way though.

today was really important for building relationships. the people in my group were all people i have known peripherally and wanted to know more. so that was really, really good. i was very encouraged by their stories. i encountered several people who also deal with the academic life and how to approach these things and be faithful and not go crazy or be perceived as crazy.

sigh. im making my head hurt. thinking thinking thinking.

now i rest.

oh. and this photo: went for a walk in the woods around the monastery during our free time. you could hear the snow falling. it was quite beautiful. have you ever heard snow fall? listen.