The two lillies that were in the bunch of flowers that Steven gave me have opened up and smell lovely.

Today has been a struggle. I just don’t feel like me. I spoke to the psychiatrist and he was surprised at what I was saying, he hasn’t heard of anybody with these symptoms after ECT. He questioned my memory; he asked what I did yesterday, I couldn’t answer him and I still can’t remember what I did. I told him everything I am doing feels like I am doing it for the first time. He said he would speak to the ECT team for advice whether to keep going or stop. He was unsure what to suggest. He said is sounds like I am going through de-personalisation disorder; that can be a common symptom of depression.

He said the first time I had ECT I didn’t have a seizure with the first surge of electricity, they had to up the dose.

I came home and waited for his phone call. The ECT team are confident that it is helping so want to give me at least 6 treatments; so I’m back in tomorrow morning for another one. I really don’t want to go back in , I’m scared it’s going to muck me up even more.
I knew I had to blip today but it felt like I was doing it for the first time, I was questioning what to blip, how to do it and the camera felt weird in my hand.