gone in a flash

This has been the longest and shortest week, ever. I'm not even sure how that works. I just am glad it's friday.
We are getting closer and closer to our move date and it is clear that tensions are mounting for us both. N wanting to leave immediately, and Me realizing just how much I am going to miss the only place I have ever lived. It's not that I don't want to move. I'm in love (I know how that sounds) and I feel like my relationship will not thrive here, we need new soil. Our new city is beautiful, the kind of town where the locals embrace you and everyday you wake up to the trees kissing the ocean. It's hard to fall out of love there.
It's just hard, now. Both of us wanting to please the other and feeling frustrated when we can't do so, whether or not the other is even disapointed. And when we are away, it doesn't feel like this.

It's still hard to collect my thoughts. I just feel confused and lost sometimes. I feel like I have no reason to be sad or that I over react for everything and then I just feel worse. Stupid. Weak. I feel like when I can't form a conscience articulate thought it's because I'm an idiot.

I'm going to clean the house. I'm good at that. It keeps me busy while I mulling.
I want to feel better. I'm trying, believe it or not.