how things end

the semester is done, finally, and hopefully i didn't mess up too bad.

these are the lowest my grades have ever been. thank goodness i had a high gpa first semester. i am currently just below a 3.0, which i think is fixable. but i'm not sure if a few of my other classes have been counted yet, so things could change. let's hope they don't.

reilly asked me to be his girl a month ago. he's still at the college, living in the coffee house, coping with a flooding basement. he's going to be living there next year, and i think he'll love it. it'll be good for him, having a project to work on (the house needs some renovation), and being in a place where people are constantly going in and out. but right now, he doesn't know what he's doing. he had plans to go work at cedar point this summer, but the last time i talked to him he said that may not be happening. he's supposed to be leaving the college today, but he doesn't know where he's going.

and, really, i don't know where i'm going either. i love the friends i've made at albion, i love the small class sizes and the campus and the art department and the honors program. but first semester was so lonely. i did well, but i was miserable. and this semester, i just didn't really care much. maybe the problem right now is me, and it wouldn't matter where i went. but the college is expensive, and they may even be upping the tuition next year. even with my scholarship, i can't afford that. i don't want to be paying off loans for 30 years. and right now my parents are helping me, but as soon as i'm out of college, my little brother will be going in. and he is SO much smarter than me, he needs a thorough education.

so that's how things stand. currently i am home, listening to gusts of wind slamming into the west side of our condo. my dog is curled up in my lap snoring; my brother is asleep. today will be cleaning and reading and making plans to move forward.