i've been cleaning and getting rid of things nonstop since i came home.

i found handmade necklaces and old emo poetry and letters from the boy i thought was going to marry me. really.

he and i went for a walk the other day, talking about what we used to be and what we could have been and what we are now. now, i think, we've both grown down quite a bit, or out. we've broadened our scope of experience to that which we once had enough guts to stand up against. and it's hurt us both, individually. and changed us. and now i just wonder if we were really so in love as we thought, or if that's just what we wanted so we made it so.

i don't really miss the feelings, and i don't really miss him. we're still great friends- still know each other better than most people. but i don't have this need to be constantly informed on his life. and that's fine. what i miss most is who i was when we were together. or even during that entire year. i was unbreakable then.