but only accidentally

I was early to meet some friends this evening, so I sat for a while in Parliament Square. A young woman sat next to me. She had socks but no shoes, and complained of having sore feet.

I was with my bike, and she asked if I liked cycling. I said that I did. I told her that when I could, I cycled to work, which was where I had come from.

She asked me why I worked. I said that it was just something I had always assumed I'd do. I didn't ask her back. I got the impression that she didn't.

She offered me her cigarette. I declined. She asked if I wanted to go with her to the pub. I declined. She said she was going to go anyway, but that she'd need to pull her socks up to be let in. I let her go.

So I was left, sitting by myself. Feeling as though I should have had more to say to her. That I should have offered her something, or accepted one of her offers. I prayed that she'd come back, so I could try again. Then I prayed that she wouldn't come back, because I didn't think I'd do any better the second time round.

It turned out that she took her socks off before she went into the pub. She came back with a bottle of beer that some other lads nearby managed to open for her.

She asked me if I'd ever set fire to myself. I said I had, but only accidentally. She said that she used to keep razor blades in her pocket. And that she sometimes cut herself accidentally when she forgot they were there.

She asked me if I ever woke up feeling ugly. I said I did. I asked her back. She didn't answer.

I said that we lived in a beautiful part of the city. I still hadn't offered her anything, so I showed her the photographs I had just taken of the square.

This is one of them.

I handed her the camera, and said that she should try. She did. It was beautiful. I didn't ask if I could share it, so I've just kept it.

I said that I had a place on the internet where I shared my photographs. I wrote down the address and gave it to her. She said she might take a look if she got chance. I wonder if she will. Get chance.

I said that I should be on my way. I wasn't early any more. I said it was good to have spent some time with her. I don't know if she believed me.

I wished I had more to offer. But I left, all the same.

I left her there, but she hasn't left me.