A dark secret

How is the human mind working?

I gave up smoking almost 3 years ago. I gained a lot of weight and I never recovered from it, my life changed and I had to built up new routines. No more cigg and a coffee in the morning, no more "stressciggs" when things where rough. BUT, i felt good, gaining weight or not, I was free!

Back on the 19th of june, we celebrated our 17 anniversary. I had a good time and felt, yeah, i can have a partycigg! The day after I was feeling AWFUL!

One thing lead to another. I have people close to me who smokes and It was so easy to grab one, and one more and then one more. Now it is like I never quit, I smoke just as before and the 3 years without is just gone.

I have been doing a lot of thinking. Am I weak? Am I stupid, yes. This is me now, Annelie, the smoker and I am trying real hard to love me as I am.