holding still

judging solely by appearances, one would think i am a confident, independent woman who doesn't need a man. at least, that's what they tell me.

it's not about need. but want? maybe.

i fell in love with someone i had no business falling for and yet, how do you tell your heart that? my heart and my mind are often at odds. i let that person go. . . or at the very least, i am trying my damnedest to give him up.

and now i am faced with a new opportunity to love. he's here and he keeps showing up. he's a long list of amazing things. he likes me. i like him. but something keeps me from FEELING it.

how does one break up the scar tissue that accumulates after so many broken hearts? how do you let someone love you without totally fucking it up?

i want to FEEL even if it hurts. i want to LOVE even if it doesn't work out.