what the...

i had a great weekend by all accounts. i woke up with a hot and handsome fella in my bed each morning, to his gravely morning voice saying, "good morning, baby" and a kiss. that's not a bad way to wake up.

but i notice myself weirding out. it's so easy and comfortable and there is no drama and i have... no idea what in the hell to do. i'm used to men who need fixing. to men who aren't really "here" even when they are sharing my bed. to chaos and hurt and things being complicated.

he is not complicated like that. he's complex but not complicated. there's a difference.

i'm at a bit of a loss and a bit angry with myself. i want to shake myself awake and say "look at this man! he's here and into you and if you could pull you head out of your ass you'd see that what you've been asking the universe for is right here. right here!"

huh. maybe i just did. . . .