turn

i was trying to remember why the date sounded so familiar.
what had i forgotten?
surely all the bills had been sent off and all appointments had been filled.

it's her birthday.

it feels foreign to think of her.
we haven't spoken since july. i thought i would miss her, but i don't.
the unraveling of our friendship taught me a very crucial lesson.
i used to stay friends with people i felt obligated to do so with.
i won't do that anymore.
i won't give someone my time and energy and unconditional love, because of some deep rooted fear of being liked.
people will not always like your choices; i can live with that.
but i can no longer live with those who will insist they know better.

there were many times when i could have walked away from her, when i could have left her.

she needs me. she needs a real friend, a real person.

it was me.
i thought i needed her.

i just needed me.