for sale

piles and piles of clothes, shoes and handbags were ripped from their shelves and hangers and stuffed into big empty boxes and garbage bags; years of armor and disguise were donated.

i don't know why i held on to half of those pieces. i hadn't worn of tried many of those things on in years. some of those items were from the girl who was 50, 60, 80 lbs heavier than she is now.
the purses still had old check stubs from places i had almost forgotten i'd worked at. the shoes were too high, too flat, too worn or too something to be seen in.

those garments reminded me of the birthday of so and so, the date with that guy with the weird hair. there were shoes i tripped in while walking out of a restaurant and a purse i had clung to as a rollercoaster jostled and banged. i kept these things because they reminded me of an old life, not bad or good, just me- then.


n. and i had a small heated chat about a sofa we are selling/giving away/donating before we move. him wanting to discard of it so easily made me automatically defensive. it was mine. my first major piece of furniture bought with my first big paycheck. that sofa cradled me when i was lonely, and lulled me when i was exhausted, it was MINE, but is not ours.

we have been a we for a very long time, but just now, just at this very moment i have realized that we lived in a house that let us live together and separately all at the same time. we have both held on to things and memories we simply don't have need for, don't have time for and don't have room for.
it is long overdo to get rid of all the old baggage, literally and figuratively and start fresh, with new treasures that belong to us, just us.

it was a heavy load we gave away last night. someone i'm sure will want those things or need them more than us,
or more than we even did in the first place