GIMMEE AN F ........ PLEASE

Never work with animals or children.

F just had to be for Freddie; or Frederick Sylvester Hadrain VW. He was found abandoned, probably by his very sensible mother, in a stone wall. G put him, a few inches high and attached to a sheep tick nearly bigger than him, into the car, where he promptly disappeared up behind the accelerator pedal. Later .... a lot later, after the car had been dismantled at the local VW garage, its fascia, steering wheel etc being removed, a tiny scrap of a thing was dragged out, claws flying and blood (mine and the technicians) spurting. "Oh, can we keep him?" were the immortal and stupid words I uttered.

Now, nine years later he is still terrified of anyone except us, and sometimes, including us. He has been touched by few, Hellonwheels was honoured not so long ago, and strangely T from Australia seems to be his favourite, though maybe that's because Fred knows T only appears once a year. He is one weird cat. He hates sudden movement, the binmen, our creaking stairs, plastic, newspapers, waterproof clothing, us wearing hats, the TV unless it's Aston Villa, Crows, Magpies, neighbours, chickens, fireworks obviously. I could go on, and probably have for too long anyway, but this is a unique cat and I feel he deserves his time on air.

Hail Freddie, we did not ask for you but here you are, and we will care for you as best we can .... all things considered. At least he likes my cooking, cottage pie tonight, yum, full-tummed cat flat out on our bed.