I read the news today, oh boy

The Jarvis appreciates bars that provide a selection of the day's newspapers for customers' perusal, and not just because most journalists drink like fish. If there are annoying anti-Jarvises in the bar who have consumed more of the premises' produce than prudence would normally dictate, a newspaper raised at a forbidding angle can be a very effective deterrent against unwanted drunken conversation. Failing that, swearing at them very loudly (another favourite pastime of journalists) usually does the trick.