One very important island...

My love and my best friend both currently reside on the island of Oahu. Here in California I am frustrated, lost, and alone.

To the one who will forever be disappointed in me, I am sorry for the things that I have done. You make me want to apologize more times than any one human ever should. Yes, I understand that our relationship is unique and very strange. Yes, I understand that you are not always the person you wish you could be. And yes, I understand that you will never change. I am so terribly sorry that I don't know EXACTLY where I am going or EXACTLY what my life plan is right this very minute. I know that upsets you to no end and you feel that I should know, but how realistic is it for me, an 18 year old girl, to have a plan for what's next. I am taking my time and thinking about my decisions before I make them. You can't understand that and it kills me. You break my heart often. Your pretty blue eyes can shatter my optimism in seconds. I have made accomplishments and moved forward recently, and I was very proud of myself for those things...until I found out that they weren't good enough for you. Nothing I do as an adult is up to your standards. With one look you can take me from proud to ashamed. I don't understand you, and I am almost positive I never will. I know you love me, but you make me feel worthless sometimes.

To the one who understands me, supports me, and respects me for the person I have become, thank you. I owe you so many thank yous. Every single day you show me love. Real love. Every time I see you I feel like I have all the support behind me I will ever need. Even if you don't agree with what I am doing (or considering doing) you find a way to show more support than worry. You are the only person in this world who can remind me with one phone call that I am okay. I think you are slowly starting to understand that this is the first time in my life that I need to take the risk. I love you for standing behind me no matter how big the risk is, and no matter how much is at stake. This is my life, and you are the strongest thing in it. No matter how far away I may end up, I will always be aware and grateful for the fact that you have and always will be my biggest supporter.

To the one who can always make me laugh, the one who has been right there by my side in this roller coaster life for seven years, you are an angel. You get me. You have made me feel so loved lately that my heart is swelling with each passing minute. Things are rough right now and you know this, but you manage to put up with my lack of communication, my ridiculous work schedule, and my crazy mood swings. I love you more than you could ever possibly understand and this sudden change of plans that allows me to see you in roughly a week is the only thing holding me together right now. Life is going to be very different in a few months, and I know that you will be there for me through it all. If I could, I would steal you away from whatever it is you're doing and put you right at the end of the HB pier by my side right this second, copper in our hands and wishes swirling around in our heads.

Aloha, hello and goodbye. Hello to a new plan and a risk I am ever so ready to take. Goodbye to the people who are telling me "what's best for me." Only I know what's best for me, no matter how wise you think you are, how much you have been through in your life, how much longer you've been alive than I have, how much you care about my decisions in life, or how much you think you know about how I'm feeling.

I am ready to live my own life, and sick of hearing about how it should be done.

Aloha!