Blur

Normal is blurred. I feel guilty to stand on a beach in warmth and sun where people feel safe.

My extended family envelope me with care and love. I am in shock.

I desperately wait to hear from friends.

I can't return. Not yet. Dad is unwell in hospital. I need to fly north. Air NZ make it happen. They change my flight from return to Christchurch to north to Auckland at no extra cost. My immediate family want me with them and that is where I want to be.

Chaos in airports. My flight is late. I don't care. My brother adapts and picks me up. We drive north. Enter the hospital well past visiting hours. Dad looks tired but ok. He hugs me. I cry.

Onwards north to Mum.

I have a friend who hasn't come home. His family is in agony.

I can't begin to comprehend what has happened; the enormity of the loss and destruction.