My Grandma

March 26th 2010

All day today, my Grandma has been on my mind. I had a very vivid dream last year about her. One of the most vivid dreams that I have had in my entire life. When I scrolled back through my blips to reread the words that I wrote about seeing her in my dream, I was surprised to see that it had occurred in March of last year. One year ago. She is always always in my heart. Her memory is always in my mind. And the love that she gave me will forever live in my soul.

This is my Grandma. The blond hair, the bedazzled sweater, the gold jewelry with sparkling diamonds. And her hands. Her hands are my hands. It has always fascinated me knowing that we share the same hands. This photo was taken on a cruise ship. And it is one of my most treasured photographs. It has been with me for many many years as well as the card laying next to it. When I was a Freshman in college, in 1994, I remember opening this card up while I was standing in the cafeteria between classes. As I began to read it, I remember feeling very emotional and my eyes were quickly filling with tears. Here is what it says:

Hi sweetie,

I was going through Grandma's business papers and found this card.

She bought it for you right after you left for college.

She's too weak to write a message so I said to just sign your name
and you would love it.

She's looking forward to seeing you Friday.

Love,

Mom

I ended up seeing my Grandma sooner than the following Friday as her condition was quickly worsening. Shortly after receiving this card, I was back home sitting in her room and holding her hand. This is my last card from her before she passed away. This card means everything to me. This is the last card that I ever received from her. On the opposite page inside of the card, my Grandma wrote:

Love you. Grandma

And the 'm' and the 'a' in Grandma are faded with half of the 'a' barely visible. It was everything that she had in her to sign her name for me. This is a treasure that is always with me. I always know exactly where it is at. I look at her handwriting and the presence of her looking down on me from heaven seems even stronger. She is my guardian angel. I know that to be true. I feel calm and peaceful right now. And I have a smile on my face. A smile that is both sad and happy.

I love you Grandma.