Waiting

Ben is waiting, all ready to go out for the day, waiting for Hayley. Bag packed, shoes and coat on.

He wasn't very impressed when she arrived and he finally twigged that he was going out without me. But he had a lovely day playing and eating and sleeping and playing and chattering so that's ok!

Thankyou SO much for your lovely lovely messages yesterday, they mean a LOT. It was a truly bad day yesterday but reading all your messages this morning was a proper tonic. Thankyou. You are wonderful.

Positive attitude this morning, together with rich tea biscuits (which Ben stole - of course - meaning crumbs in the bed *sigh*) meant I actually got me and Ben dressed and downstairs and had found Ben some breakfast by 10am. That's not bad going. That was almost it, though, and I could have easily slumped back into a decline.

Still, I was SO grateful that Hayley took him off my hands early today. He was going after lunch but she came and picked him up late morning instead to give me a break. It was much needed. Just having the space to focus meant that I could get a grip of myself.

Talking of focussing, I was talking to Steve yesterday about how we deal with things that get on our nerves or with pain or distractions and things like that. I find I get a bit of tunnel vision, I am able to block out the things that bother me. Like Ben's drumming, I tune it out normally. (Except when he's yelling, "what's make that noise, mummy?!" at the top of his lungs all the time.) Like pain, I remember during labour I zoned out completely, just focussing on me and the breathing and the contractions and it was a kind of self-hypnosis I suppose. At the conference last week the video link clunked clumsily between cameras and it was driving a lot of people mad but I was so zoned in on what the speaker was saying that I just didn't notice it any more. Some people find things like that really distracting, I tend to blot them out. The problem is when this blotting out goes into autopilot and you find yourself blotting out what somebody is saying, and having to really try hard to concentrate!

Anyway. Today. I got a grip, got my kit together, managed to eat in peace. Photoshoot went well, I think, I've only just got the pictures off the camera and editing will be my last task before bed tonight. The couple I was taking pictures of were fascinating! Talk about not letting disabilities stand in your way. Fantastic stuff. When the newsletter goes out I will try and find a way to link to it so you can read about them. (Should be Friday I think.)

Still sick, still feeling the insulin-hunger, still tired; but feeling a lot better mentally than I was yesterday. Fresh air and talking to people did me the world of good today.

Thankyou again :) x