Unleash the Beasts

Quick blip today as I'm up to my ears in editing the Deranged Ferret (out Thursday, £3 for 4 issues contact me for details).

I decided that as I bottled the blip I talked about last week I'd show another part of my increasing frame I'm not proud of. My feet.

There's a reason I'm not happy with these. Firstly my left foot may as well be a loaf of Hovis for all the good I can do with it. I maintain I could have played football for at least someone like Spalding if I'd had a left foot. Apparently I do have one (it's on the right here confusingly) but can I use it? About as much as I can use a guitar or one of them Sky + boxes.

Secondly my feet are always a social concern for me. I'm not sure whats wrong with them, but they always draw derision if I ever get them out. I had an ex who said I had 'the ugliest feet in the world' and I have two workmates who see fit to issue a warning that 'under no circumstances are you to remove your footwear at work'. They are relatively odourless and free from lumps and other foot based defects. I don't understand why the world is not ready for my feet.

I reckon my feet are alright really. They see two clean pairs of socks a day and at least one good daily rinse with mums my flannel each. These bad boys are one day going to carry me somewhere I wanna be so I figure a bit of tlc wouldn't go amiss.

The radioactive sign was a tattoo I got whilst backpacking around Chernobyl in 1986.

In other news I see it's all kicking off in london, close to Broadwater Farm. Now I am a keen student of social unrest in this country and have looked into the background of everything from Strangeways of 1990 to the various race riots of the 2005 variety. I've looked extensively into this particular event and as i can see a man was shot and killed after opening fire on the police. I can't fully understand what the rioters are trying to claim: that it's okay to shoot policemen? It isn't,

However I also noticed only Al Jazeera TV carried pictures of the protest in Tottenham before it turned violent. Why is that? Do Al Jazeera want to portray the unrest as justified and warranted? Or do our media not want to show the honest intentions that the majority of protestors had before the social underclass turned it into a reason to nick carpets.

As an aside who would ever loot Carpet Right? Seriously how low can they go? Did they nip along to Lidl afterwards and pinch 15 jars of what can only be described as 'assorted pygmy organs'?

One fact from todays blip is actually incorrect and made up. Can you spot it?