Your last chance went that way!

Definitely better large.

When the juices flow

Something is wrong with Toots. Or is there? She is a female, she therefore has strange 'turns'. The only problem for a Neanderthal is recognizing the signals then comprehending or remembering what to do to avoid angst and misery.

Believe it or not I'm not bad at recognising the danger signals emitted by Mrs Booty. I may be a dull old silverback but stupid I are not! However my little girl goes through a phantom season twice a year, for the past few days she has been off her food, fed up, trying to hide, climbing onto my lap and licking my face, you name it she has done it. So of course as a caring parent I decided to give her a trim yesterday. Immediately afterwards she legged it into a corner of the garden. I found her underneath a Cornish Palm trying to dig a den. My little friend is in season, in her head.

With that in mind we went for a bimble along the valley this morning. I watched a pair of Nuthatches courting, I think they must be my favourite woodland bird. Their subtle colours and method of searching for food is great to watch. Then another male arrived from a neighbouring patch and battle ensued. Further along I watched as a male pot bellied pig sidled up to a female and lolloped into the mud alongside her, the conversation was brief, "Do ya root?" This must have been an Australian pig. Then I noticed that the clumps of grass just outside the pig's compound were slowly moving. The place was throbbing with rabbits, big rabbits and the centre of attention was a pair of heavyweights that were boxing in the manner of Hares.

A four degree increase in temperature has raised the temperature level within the animal kingdom, having observed this and bearing in mind what I wrote earlier about "I are not stoopid" I was now aware why my comment to Mrs Booty last night went down like the veritable lead balloon. She had an appointment for an ECG this morning. I casually remarked that I would be willing to go along in order to shave her chest so the electrodes could be fitted. WRONG MOVE ROYAL!

Sleeping with one eye open is not something I have had to do for ages. I did last night, and maybe tonight as well. She is not a happy camper.