The Aquarium

I started painting in September 2014.  Something unusual began happening when I picked up a brush.  Now I find myself scared to continue.  I am frightened.  I find myself crying almost all the time.  How I see the world frightens me.  Everything that I once knew.  Everything that I once saw has been replaced by something else.  Something that I cannot explain.  I feel utterly alone.  I feel trapped.  I feel like most days that I cannot go on.  I cannot keep going.  I want out.  I want out of this world.  But I don't know where to go.  I don't know who to trust.  I don't know how I can keep this up.  I ask God every night to help me.  I feel my body changing.  I can't help but think that God made a horrible mistake when he created me.  People say that I am beautiful, but I see myself as something far from that.  I see myself as a mistake.  But yet I am here.  How can I do some good on this earth while I am here?