Life training.....

As I write, I'm on the Gourock - Glasgow train, making my way back home to Edinburgh.

The train is full....a lot of studenty types got on at Greenock Central. Beside me, sits an immensely broad chap who reeks of Deep Heat and old chip fat. It's a noxious combination, and I'm tempted to ask if he blends it specially, but he has a pair of earphones the size of satellite dishes clamped to his head. (He's listening to some sort of thumpy thump music....it's so loud, the people in the next carriage could tell you that he's listening to thumpy thump music!)

A moment ago, he pulled a grey piece of gum out of his mouth, inspected it with suspicion, then stuck it back in for a further enthusiastic chomp.

He's just made a call to someone called Big Dog, and in between some incomprehensible grunts, complained that he 'canny find a bird' and wondered why.

Who wants me to tell him....