Gratitude

I’m grateful for so many wonderful things in my life and I write 3 things every day that I’m grateful for that day.
 
Today was a hard day and by lunch time it was hard to see anything to be grateful for.
I was tired- no exhausted. My house looked like a bomb hit it during a tornado just stuff for miles along with food crumbs, bits of toast and toys galore.
 
The kids were a handful. They were so bored. They can’t go outside in our courtyard because it’s still being worked on, I can let them in the driveway because Harper and Kanye have a tendency to take off, it drizzled off and on, they didn’t want to do anything I put out or tried to entice them into playing, and it felt endless.
 
It was more fun to tip the towels of out the washing basket that were folded, or pretend to feed ducks in my house so bread was sprawled all over the floor, or have a lego throwing contest even better a shouting/squealing contest.
 
I was pretty fed up. I missed having a tidy house that’s not destroyed in seconds of me cleaning it, I missed quiet, I missed feeling like I could breathe because i did indeed feel a bit suffocated and unsure of what to do with them, they weren’t being naughty they were just at the end of their tether too and he best way to deal with it was to act up and be mischievous
 
The sun shone in the afternoon and I decided we’d go out; we went for a long walk. I stopped to get Kanyes meds where I had a lovely chat with the pharmacy ladies- that is something I missed as well- adult conversations. We carried on to the library and got some more books and dvds out.
 
This was fine apart from when we left Kanye got upset about leaving so shouted, squealed, squawked, screamed and made loud noises all the way home. For those who don’t know or understand, Kanye does this as a coping mechanism, for him it’s a way of blocking out any input or anything that’s happening that he doesn’t like; by creating output. And I can tell you it’s hard to deal with, it really is because its constant until you give them something that you know they love that triggers the calm down part of him- the wiggles do this for Kanye as well as cars or trains.
 
 I love him and I understand him but it is really tiring to have constant noise like that when you are already tired, and also with Kanye he has no awareness of volume so a lot of the time when he speaks it tends to come out as shouts and if we aren’t quick enough with doing/getting what he wants he screams and shouts. I long for night time on days like this, I long for the quietness.
 
Tonight though when Andre got home they settled after rough and tumbles with him, I found the 3 thing’s I’m grateful for today- my boys. Because it’s not easy being a mama, and they are my everything- I love them to bits. We have days like these where we’re in close proximity with not a lot to do and it drives us all crazy. I know when they go back on Monday I’ll miss them like crazy – today is just one day, the rest of the holidays we’ve enjoyed doing stuff and being together.


Why i'm grateful for them today:
Kanye – because in the centre of his hair it still smells like he did when he as a baby and his beautiful smile and green eyes make me happy.
Marley- because he’s such an awesome kid and brother and he has his daddas big brown eyes
Harper – because he’s my baby baby and everything is still new to him and he does the best smile at me when I tell him off; I say no- he smiles and says yesh (yes) cheeky monkey.