Solo Chimney

Solo walk along the river bank and up into Okeltor Mines with Portly Lucy this morning. This valley is so peaceful and the colours just delight me - the landscape is slowly changing into its spring attire and I am fortunate to be able to watch it transform. I imagine when the mines were working it would have been quite a different landscape and level of noise. But now the chimney stacks looming out of the countryside in various states of derelcition are all that remain.More here!
Despite this beauty and my appreciation of it, I have not been  in the best of moods as waiting to hear from the dentist re treatment and my anxiety over how I will react to the drugs and come round is preying on my mind. Doesn't seem to matter how many times I tell myself to get over it and stop needlessly worrying. Why oh why can we not control our own thoughts and feelings? Why do some people have this compulsive, obsessive , worrying nature? Described as being  "like a hamster wheel in your brain, with a parade of different animals entering and exiting over time."
I was fascinated by Russel Brands documentary on why some people have an addictive nature. One aspect was the desire for instant gratification, impulsiveness. In an experiment with rats it was found most learnt that to receive food they needed to press a lever, after a short delay food would drop into the cage. Some rats found it impossible to wait and would repeatedly press the lever! When their brains were analysed they had the risk type of a GABA receptor. It was not their fault, was beyond their control - that famous line in Les Liaisons Dangereuses! 
It seems like I have this default pattern now - I witnessed my mother and grandmother develop the same way, possibly partly due to age and whatever this does to our mental capacities, with my mother I think the death of her husband and the breast cancer added to its development. For someone who was a scientist and highly valued trouble shooter for Boots with turning around struggling branches, this was quite a shocking and upsetting transformation to witness and for her caused deep distress.
However if there is a genetic / age / stress inducing basis to why some people are prone to worry, that does not mean you have to give in to it or be a victim to it. For if there was one thing I could change about myself this would be it! It almost seems an indulgence and is perhaps my most unappealing feature! I could list others  but another day! 
So tomorrow I will start to tackle my demons! I will try it all! CBT, Mindfulness, hypnotism, yoga breathing, exercise etc, etc. Once you look there are many ways to try and combat it and I am being self indulgent if I simply sit and worry but do nothing about it!