On nature v nurture

Someone recently told me that the more children you have, and the older they get, the more you err on the 'nature' rather than 'nurture' side of the debate.

It's a debate that I find really interesting, I mean, obviously there is significance in both aspects, of course... But what things can you learn, and what things are just 'you' and as a parent, when should you try to direct/persuade/change and when should you just accept.

Take household jobs for example. My children are pretty good at doing jobs around the house, sure they complain, that's to be expected, but generally they will do what they've been asked (or what they know is their current job - I fluctuate between setting termly, weekly or nightly chores depending the mood of the house!) without too much fuss. But the difference in the way they approach the tasks is hilarious to watch.

One child does the job as quickly, and as well as he possibly can. He might well have complained when asked, he might even be grumpy while doing it, but he does it, does it quickly and is always intent on doing it to his best current ability. He rarely asks for advice, almost never wants help or company in doing it and quietly finishes the work without drawing any attention to it. Just like someone I know and love.

The other child approaches the task with a mind of opportunity of just how to make it more interesting and perhaps easier. Siblings are roped in for help, but more so just for company. Music is usually brought into the mix, even if this means first finding a CD, or a tune on YouTube (along with the video, which probably has to be watched at least the first time), and often something, some piece of kit, some picture or diagram has to be found, developed or drafted before the task can be started. The job is usually completed, but sometimes it isn't quite finished because something he doesn't have yet would make it easier or better and so it is best left till later, or even just because something easier or better came along and distracted him. And when the job is complete, he looks for those around him to share in joy, congratulate him in his achievements and discuss how good it is. Just like someone else I know and love.

Some things can be learned, the need to put your dirty washing in the laundry basket and how to wash the dishes after tea, for example. I guess how someone approaches the job depends more on their nature.