Down Memory Lane

I didn't sleep very well last night. I had funny dreams, and the temperature has finally dropped to winter temps, so it was chilly.

I pottered this morning at home, did my chores etc. It was drizzly when I woke up, but then we were treated to beautiful blue skies for the rest of the day.

I had plans to see Tim this evening. I was looking forward to it. It was a bit like a timewarp as I took the train to Clapham Junction, and then the overground. It felt funny, yet nice at the same time. 

It was so nice to see him. His roommate was there too, and it was warm and cosy inside. It's been two months since I was last there. Tim made me a cup of tea- my teabags are still in the cupboard there ;-)

We chatted a lot, about my job offer etc. Then we decided to watch a movie. We watched " Me and Earl and the Dying Girl". Tim had already seen a bit of it, but the three of us sat and watched anti was a good film. A bit sad but good too. And I managed to stay awake for the first time ever too ;-)

It was so nice. We just hung out, although both of us were a bit nervous, as obviously things are a little different now. But it felt good too. And so right. It was so nice to be there, and I kept soaking it all in. I spent an awful lot of Saturday nights here over the winter, watching TV and movie with Tim and his roommate. Tim usually cooked dinner or prepared a picnic tea for us. It was a happy time, and I enjoyed revisiting all of those feelings tonight. 

We had a nice evening. Tim had plans with his friend S in Brixton, and I was going to drop by the pub in Soho. But there was some sort of scare near Waterloo earlier, and it was absolutely freezing, so I decided to just go on home. I was pleased as I did not get upset. We did not talk about what happened, nor did I ask him to change his mind. Now that doesn't mean for a second that I don't wish things were different. Of course I do. But I am happy for the nice time that was had tonight, and hopeful that we may continue like this. I'm hoping I'll get to see him before he goes home for the holidays. I shall miss him.

And today marks a year since I met him. When I took a chance, and just went out with friends. To think if I hadn't, then our paths would have never crossed, and then the last year of my life would have been totally different. It's been a fantastic year until the last couple of months, and that's a very hard thing to deal with. 

I have to believe that God has a plan for me, but that I don't know what it will be. I swing wildly from believing that, to thinking why on earth he could reel me in like that and then let me down so badly. But, like I said, there must be a reason for that. I just wish I knew what it was.

As A, my therapist said on Wednesday, "I don't think you'll ever really know" ;-)