Escapism

I've had a reasonably productive week I suppose.

At gym last Sunday, a friend of mine and I were talking careers. He said he had a friend of his who was studying for the GDL (Graduate Diploma in Law), and that it's a kind of conversion course for people who already have a degree in something else.

A lot of people have told me over the years that I should have been a lawyer, and that I'm articulate both in speech and writing (not sure if that's relevant!). My dad had always suggested law (along with the trusted routes of doctor/accountant/journalist) when it was A-Level time, but at that time I really had zero idea what I wanted to do, let alone any concept of what the world of work and adulthood would be (who does at 18?!)

I have a couple of friends who are lawyers, and so I know a little bit about what they do. So I've devoted a lot of free time this week to doing my research. By all accounts it is a very demanding course, and I would have to do it over 21months, via online learning. That means there would be a colossal amount of self-study, reading, and memorising information, as I've been told. I am worried that I'm not academic enough, and after all these years, I'm not sure I can remember how to study! It taps into my insecurities about my capability, but I want to do something to move myself forwards, and find an enjoyable and profitable career. 

There are an awful lot of things to consider. I would need to carry on working full time, and wonder whether I would actually be able to find the time to devote to study. I've been told it means giving up any sort of social life, hence the downside... Then if you pass, you need to get a training contract, and by all accounts, they are hard to get. So you take on work as a paralegal whilst you continue in search of a firm willing to take you on. 

If I do it it won't start until March, but I would need to apply soon. It's very expensive, and that worries me too. Particularly if I fail. I know that I would like to specialise in Family law, and children's right etc, but that some of the other modules may be less interesting.

I had a lengthy chat with the friend of a friend, and while she gave me a very balanced view, she said I would spend most of my thirties pursuing this....

Anyways, I think I need to do a little more research and really think carefully. 

I also emailed my CV to a recruitment company my dad used, and I received a call from a nice lady to discuss it. We haven't managed to catch each other properly yet, but at least that's another possible avenue. This would be for PA jobs in London. 

I'm not feeling well this weekend. I developed a very sore throat, and I'm losing my voice. I went to the pub in Soho this evening, as my nights out are a bit limited. Guy friend was DJing, but none of the others were there. It was ok. We had a good chat, but I was feeling pretty rubbish by 11pm and we still had an hour to go. Plus it was freezing on the walk back.

I was glad to be going home. We had a nice evening, don't get me wrong, but I do look back and wonder what I ever saw in him. I can't believe all that crap I wrote about how I felt last summer. It was very real, but 18 months on, I feel nothing for him, and really wonder what I did. 

Tim is 1000% more real, honest, caring, thoughtful, kind- I could go on and on. He is a very special person. I am still kicking myself for waking up to that all too late. That's not true. I always knew that, but it just took my feelings a little longer to catch up to his. It's a shame I didn't meet him now, instead of last November, as perhaps all this silly baggage with guy friend would have been long gone, and I wouldn't have kept looking over my shoulder. It was our first official date on this Friday last year. Date

And I've been a bit blue thinking about it. Tim has his mum over this weekend. It's a bit strange not to be part of that. I hope I get to see him before Christmas at least...